Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
