So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
