Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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