The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
