I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
