Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
