I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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