Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
