ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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