at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
