I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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