yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
