Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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