I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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