just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
