i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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