the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
