Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
