her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
