Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
