i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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