how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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