if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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