There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
