Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
