In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
