I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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