She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
