Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
