I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
