please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
