On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
