First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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