and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
