i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
