I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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