Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
