how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
