I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
