i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
