just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
