I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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