I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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