she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
