Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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