We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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