so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
