Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
