Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
