We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
