woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
