Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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